THE WATER BOARD WAS DIGGING UP MY STREET,
I THINK THEIR WORKMEN NEED SOMEWHERE TO MEET,
IT DIDN'T REALLY MEAN THAT MUCH TO ME,
UNTIL I WENT TO MAKE A CUP OF TEA,
NOW THE QUALITY OF WATER WASN'T GOOD,
IT WAS FULL OF GRIT AND STONES AND LOOKED LIKE MUD.
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
AND IT STAYED THAT WAY UNTIL I WENT TO BED,
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
SO I HAD MYSELF A CAN OF BEER INSTEAD.
NOW IN THE MORNING IT RETURNED TO RUNNING CLEAR,
BUT SOMETHING IN THE SINK LOOKED RATHER QUEER,
I THOUGHT IT WAS A LUMP OF OLD BISTO,
UNTIL I WENT TO TOUCH, AND IT HAD A GO!
IT REARED UP LIKE THE INDIAN SNAKE DANCE,
IT GAVE ME SUCH A FRIGHT I NEARLY CRAPPED MY PANTS.
COS IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
BUT IT WAS JUST AS MUCH ALIVE AS YOU OR ME,
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
AND A LEECH IS WHAT I THOUGHT IT HAD TO BE.
WELL I CAUGHT IT IN A JAR AND PHONED THE BOARD',
BUT THEY TOOK A PINCH OF SALT WITH EVERY WORD,
THEY SAID "WE'LL HAVE TO SEND SOMEONE AROUND,
TO INVESTIGATE THIS BEASTIE YOU HAVE FOUND",
NOW THE WOMAN ON THE PHONE WAS RATHER DOUR,
BUT SHE SAID THERE'D BE A MAN ROUND IN AN HOUR.
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
BUT IT TRIED TO SUCK MY BLOOD THROUGH THAT GLASS JAR,
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
BUT WITH THE LID On.....WELL IT WASN'T GOING FAR.
THE OFFICIAL CAME AND BENT OVER MY DRAINER,
TO SPY THE LITTLE BEAST IN IT'S CONTAINER,
HE SAID "I'LL HAVE TO TAKE THIS THING AWAY,
TO SEE IF IT'S A LEECH LIKE WHAT YOU SAY",
I SAID "THIS LEECH IS MINE AND WILL REMAIN,
UNTIL YOU ADMIT IT CAME OUT OF YOUR DRAIN".
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
BUT IT WAS MY ONLY EVIDENCE YOU SEE,
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
AND MY LITTLE LEECH WAS STAYING CLOSE TO ME.
WELL WE HUMMED AND HARRED AND TUSSLED WITH THE JAR,
HE SAID "I'LL RING MY GAFFER FROM THE CAR",
AND AFTER MUCH DISCUSSION ON THE BLOWER,
A NICE RECEIPT WAS DULY HANDED OVEWR,
AND SO IT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL QUITE GRAND,
OWNING THE ONLY LEECH RECEIPT IN ENGLAND.
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
AND ME AND HIM, WE NEVER MORE WOULD MEET,
IT WAS BROWN, IT WAS DIRTY,
BUT UNTIL THIS DAY I'VE STILL GOT THAT RECEIPT.